volta

finals week sucks. i’ll relieve my stress by posting on tumblr. somehow i feel like that won’t make me do better

i just realized i never make serious pictures of me my profile picture. it must be because i choose not to be a serious person. or something.

the things we don’t say are often more telling than the things we do

but maybe the questions you ask are more important than the answers themselves

lesson learned: more than just the people following you can read your stuff. somehow i feel like that isn’t going to change what i decide to post on here though

there are too many things to think about and consider when trying to make a decision

i know you think you’re doing me a favor. you think that by doing this we will always be able to be friends, no matter what happens in the end. if you decide to come back and make things the way they were, it will be great, and if something happens down the road we will always have each other. and if you decide to come back and just be my friend it will all be ok too.

i keep trying to tell you that isn’t the case but you keep assuring me that it is. because the thing that you don’t realize is that you broke my heart. you threw it against the wall and watched it shatter into a million pieces across your floor. and i know that wasn’t what you thought was going to happen when you did it. i understand that. but that is exactly what happened, even though it was a tragic accident, a mistake.

the fact is it happened. and that’s the problem that i can’t figure out how to explain to you. if you walk away from me, from everything, right now and try to be just friends, my heart will still be shattered, spread in little pieces across your floor. and i don’t think i can be just friends with you if every time i’m with you, i can still see the pieces scattered across the floor.

but the alternative is that you come back, pick up all the little pieces and glue them back together, and salvage what’s left. try to fix what you threw against the wall and fucked up.

don’t get me wrong, that is exactly what i want you to do. i wouldn’t have it any other way. but do you really think a heart that’s been glued back together in that way will ever be the same as it was before you decided to watch it crash and burn?

i’ll still be here, and no matter what you decide, i’ll pick up the pieces eventually. but i would be lying if i didn’t say it’s going to be a long process for us both.

i just wish you had been able to see what was going to happen before you decided to throw everything against that wall.

i’m really not sure how many more days i can do this for

when i needed you the most you pushed me away. when you are ready for me to come back i will. but it will never ever be the same as it was before.

no one told me that picking classes was going to be this complicated